What do i do? please read?

i've kinda dug myself into a hole...i have a crush (more like a 7 year crush) on one of my good guy friends that i've known my whole life. i'm one of the shyest people you could ever meet, and i've embarrassed myself around him so many times thhat im terrified of doing it more, which is one of the main reasons why i cant fess up my feelings for him. i actually do the opposite; i kinda ignore him, i try to avoid him, and i dont talk a lot to him because i don't want him to know i like him a lot. and now that i'm older and i'm getting more interested in him, there's no way i can tell now. he treats me like i treat him; he doesnt talk to me much, and sometimes i feel like he wouldnt care if i was alive or dead, but i can see how i could come off that way to him, too! so i mean it could go either way; he could do those things because thats how i treat him and he doesnt think i like him, or he's doing it because he honestly has zero feelings for me. what do i do? i really need your advice to help me get out of this, without telling him my feelings. i question this every single day. please help me!